My first boyfriend

My first boyfriend was a boy from the Virgin Islands. He was a cute boy, a year ahead of me in school. We were good friends. Part of a close group of friends who were all part of our churches Luther League.

Anyway, I will never forget the night he asked me out.....

I had low self esteem even then, was
Self conscious about my weight then too. Anyway, I was at a friends house for a Halloween party. I wasn't feeling well and was actually waiting outside for my parents to come pick me up. I was sitting on the tire swing feeling miserable when out comes the cute older boy with the great accent. He asked me out. I didn't even know what to say. So I said yes. Then I really panicked!!! What now? Did he expect me to "put out?". I hadn't even kissed anyone before. Would I be good at it? When would I be expected to kiss him? Did he even want to kiss me?

I was so confused and scared as to what it meant to be dating someone. To be their girlfriend. So what did I do?

I stopped talking to him. I would turn around and walk the other way in he halls at school. I would avoid him at church and not take phone calls. Don't know what I was expecting but 2 weeks went by like this. Then I got quite the shock. My best friend came up to me and declared she was now dating my boyfriend.

She was so proud of herself. She was also very quick to let me know what she thought of my behavior towards my boyfriend. I think she was daring me to be angry with her. How did I feel though? Relieved. I could go back to being friends with a cute boy I was friends with.

We had some amazing times together after that. I even had other boyfriends in high school, an somehow I was able to tell myself that since I had already had a boyfriend there was no reason to be nervous. Those relationships went much more normally.

But you know what? I don't remember those boys as well as I do the cute boy from the Virgin Islands. He was my first boyfriend, and we didn't talk the entire 2 weeks we went out and I'll never forget him. Or all the for sale signs on our front yard throughout high school. But that is a story for another day....

Only me....

So, as we all know I am "at that age" according to my doctor. I recently got a second senior citizen discount at Dunkin Donuts. We all also know that I am NOT known for my grace.

This all leads up to my hurting/ possibly spraining my ankle without my knowledge. How does this happen? Am I making mistakes in my sleep? I never thought of myself as a violent sleeper, but maybe I am. I don't know, I asleep and I sleep alone (mostly) do there is no one to tell me about potential violent tendencies in my sleeping state.

Anyway, I can barely walk, I can't touch the inside of my left ankle because it is too painful and have realized that there is some edema in this area. (not my whole ankle, just the medial side-weird)

I don't know of a whole lot of people who can injure themselves without any actual trauma to the area. But there it is. I will keep an eye on it, when I get home I'll ice it and see what happens. If it doesn't get better I see my dr next week anyway.

Another item for the "Bucket list"? I think so, I think so. I have to say: in the words of my wonderful grandmother..... "I am SO lucky!"

This picture shows the indentation from my sock- its only in the injured area and not around my whole ankle. Again, very weird. Guess I'm a very talented woman.

Bowling

So I took my son to a bowling party yesterday. To watch him play with the big balls was surprising. He handled his balls well. Whenever I've played with the big balls (only twice). I've gotten bowling injuries.

Yes, I am THAT good. See, I grew up playing with small balls, and even then I was never good with them. I had never played with big balls until a friend had a party. The big balls scare me, so I tried out different weights, found one that I thought I could handle. When it was my turn, I threw my ball backwards almost knocking out the birthday girl. The next time I was up I three my ball in the right direction---sort of---- I even got a strike! Well, it was 3 lanes over, but it was a strike nonetheless. The gentleman in that lane was ok with it.

Now, that same throw I fell and landed in the gutter bruising my hip. Yeah, I'm impressive when it comes to handling my big balls. So, if you want to play with the big balls let me know and I'll be your entertainment for the evening.

I guess what it comes down to is that my son is better at playing with his balls than I am with mine. That's as it should be I think. 😊 Although I am much more entertaining with mine.

Gas

I work with 5 clients every week. I enjoy them all. I truly do. However, 3 of my clients are the gassiest people I have EVER met. IN MY LIFE!

I firmly believe that by spending so much time with them (4 days a week) they have somehow done something to me. Because I don't remember ever being this gassy.

I know, I know, so not a feminine topic. Well, it gets even better. I'm not a cute tooter. They aren't silent. They make it sound like a raft of ducks have made a home in my backside.

I guess it's a good thing I live alone. When I ever find someone they will have to think darts are funny. Then we'll laugh constantly. I will have to make sure he's NOT a duck hunter though. Don't want to get shot in my sleep. 😳

Behavior modification

First I must write a disclaimer, this is not something I would EVER do. It was something that popped into my head and made me laugh. That is all.

So, my son is displaying some disturbing behaviors, I won't go into them now, but they are not appropriate. I have tried every way I can think of to get him to stop.

While talking to a co-worker today I came up with a plan. I can get a taser. I'll get one with low voltage so as not to harm him of course. Just a short lasting stun. I'm thinking with such a smart kid he'll catch on pretty quick.

And just think, if it works, what other behaviors could I modify.....the list is endless. I could, with a little time and voltage have the perfect child.

So what if he drools a lot and has names for all his toes?

Just kidding...

Iced coffee please

I like my iced coffee. No, I LOVE my iced coffee. No one better come between me and my iced coffee....

So I went and bought my iced coffee this afternoon: there are a lot of new staff who are working at the DD I usually visit.

There is a new kid- Ken, or Keith or something. Sorry, I'm terrible with names. Anyway Ken/Keith waited on me yesterday and it went fine, today was a little more interesting......

Me: I would like a large iced coffee with cream and sugar please.
Ken/Keith: 1 large iced latte
Me: iced coffee please
Ken/Keith: oh ok, sorry, 1 large iced latte
Me: no, I want an iced coffee please.
Ken/Keith: oh sorry, 1 large iced coffee.
Me: yes, thank you.

Another staff, who knows my order, walks over tells Ken/Keith to stop for a minute, asks me if I ordered a latte. I said: no, I ordered my regular large iced coffee with cream and sugar.
She tells Ken/Keith to change my drink to an iced coffee?

Did I not make myself clear? For the love of God and everything Holy.....
Does iced coffee really sound like iced latte? I don't think so.....

Ah well, I. Write this with my iced coffee sitting on the table next to me. ;~}

Enjoy your day...

Chocolate bonbon

This is a story about a boy and a girl, how they fell in love, and got engaged to be married this pushing me into a mental breakdown.

How does that work you ask? Well, my friend asked me to be in her wedding. (I think she felt obligated since she was my maid of honor) I was thrilled for her, really I was. Being in love and pledging yourselves to each other is a beautiful thing. I truly believe that, even being a little jaded from my own.

Well, next I heard about the wedding was when my friend told me she had picked out the bridesmaid dresses. She was beyond excited. Even told me that it was perfect and would flatter everyone's body type. This put me at ease, as I'm very self-conscious about my body. Then she showed me the dress. Really? Flatter everyone? Is she high??? At least it was a beautiful color: dark chocolate brown.

The rest of it? Form fitting and strapless! Need I say more? I mean come on. My figure is round. Who honestly thinks form fitting and strapless looks good on round??

Thus my nervous breakdown.... This was February and the wedding was scheduled for October. Guess it was time to stop eating till the wedding.

A few weeks later she asked me if I had ordered my dress, everyone else had. So I went, ordered and paid for this beautiful and horrible gown. A month later I was told it was in. I put off picking up the gown for as long as I possibly could. My friend called me every 2 days asking me to please please please pick up the dress.

Then I got the call from said friend saying she called off the wedding.. I went to David Bridal and tried to get my money back. I mean, they were still in possession of the dress. They knew it had never been worn, but they refused. They told me the bride needed to ok the return. She called them and they still refused to give me a refund. They did however, offer to exchange the dress for another formal gown. Seriously? I am such a casual girl it isn't funny. I don't dress up for anything. Ok, well I'll make the effort for weddings and funerals, but other than that? I don't go anywhere I need to dress up. I get peed on, thrown up on, clothes ripped at work. I'm dressing for comfort with a change of clothes in the car!!

I brought the dress home. It's still hanging in my closet 5 years later.....

They eventually worked through their issues and got married a year and a half later. By then I was not where I wanted to be as far as weight (when was the last time I was? That's what I want to know) is concerned. I bowed out of the wedding party, but happily agreed to sing for them during the ceremony. It worked out for the best. If I had been in the wedding I would have been the chocolate bonbon rolling down the aisle.

How embarrassing

I might have mentioned before that I'm getting a divorce. Have I mentioned I'm a week away from turning 39? Or that I'm pretty darn sure I've hit my sexual prime? It's pretty much ALL I think about in my down time- I feel like a man ;~} -

Anyway, possible TMI alert. Might want to turn away now........

So, being alone and in "my prime" is NOT the most ideal situation to find myself. I am seriously thinking about buying stock in batteries. (don't get upset with me, I warned you! Theres still time to turn away). Yes, I have some toys, of the adult nature.

I just read a great book- 50 Shades of Grey. Loved it, I'm waiting till Friday when I get paid to buy the other 2 books in the trilogy. Anyway, they are very graphic of a sexual nature. Last week I brought a toy to work. Sounds like a terrible thug to do right? Well, probably, but my client is in bed at 7pm and I'm there till 11pm and there is a private staff bedroom. Still inappropriate I know, but a woman has needs. So sue me.......

Here's the embarrassing part- no, no one walked in me, that would be mortifying. No, I forgot my toy was in my pocketbook and the next morning when I got to my sons school for his IEP meeting it went off. At first I though it was my phone, that someone was calling me and it was on vibrate. Oh, how wrong I was.

Picture it: Thursday morning 7:45 am I'm standing in front of my sons teacher, social worker, case manager, speech therapist, and special Ed coordinator and my toy starts vibrating as I try frantically to turn it off in a very non-challant way. I don't think my face has ever been that red.

Good news, I don't thin anyone realized what ACTUALLY happened, but really......

How embarrassing.

Am I a lesbian?

Well, am I?

The answer quite simply is:

Wait for it.........NO. No I am not. How do I know? Because it doesn't interest me. I guess (TMI alert!) I would be ok with receiving, but the giving is a different subject matter all together and doesn't interest me AT ALL! Feeling this way makes it very clear that a lesbian relationship would never work because I don't know of any relationship that works when it is so one sided. (pretty sure this was part of the problem with my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex)

Why am I bringing this up? Interesting question. I've been reminiscing lately and remember a day fresh out of high school when my mother brought me into her bedroom, sat me down and very lovingly and supportively asked me this very question. "Are you a lesbian?"

As I'm sure you can imagine, this was so surprising to me I was in shock. After a minute I was able to gather my thoughts (rest assured, NOT because I was thinking about if I was one, but because this was my MOM, and I couldn't believe she was asking!) I told her calmly that no, I was not a lesbian.

Now, from here most people would probably take you at your word and move on. Oh no, not my mother, that would be entirely too painless and embarrassment free for me. She asked me several times, every time varying the question just a little. Was she hoping that it would confuse me and trip me up? That after the 7th time I would say "well, actually I am mom. I was just waiting for you to ask me enough times that I knew you REALlY wanted to know."

She was very supportive, telling me repeatedly that it was OK and she and my father would still love me if I was.

I was appreciative of this, to know that she would love me no matter what was a great thing. But why wasn't she accepting my answer? Why did she seem to be disappointed with my choice to live a heterosexual life style?

After much debate over said lifestyle, my mom came out with it. The reason she was convinced was because I had shown no interest in men for a while. ( I was single and not interested for a year- during which time I was working a full time job and in my first year of college full time. Plus my last relationship ended horribly). I was also not dressing up (I'm a casual kind of girl-always have been, always will be) and I wasn't wearing make-up. (I hate make-up - I wear it for special occasions only). She even went so far as to tell me I looked ill without it. Can't tell you how happy that made me. (self esteem went up a few more notches that day, yeah right!)

So I guess what I learned is that my mother thinks if a woman is not dressed to the nines, wearing make-up and having a date or actively hunting for a man every day- you MUST be a lesbian. Talk about having a stereotype.

Wonder what she thought the last 2 lonely years of my life. Probably that I finally came out of the closet!

But honest- I'm not a lesbian!