I'm broken.....again

Well, this post could go one of two ways.....the men in my life or massages I've received from friends who are NOT LMT's.

Which way do I go, which way do I go....

I'm sitting on my couch as I write this in extreme pain. A friend of mine that I'm seeing decided he would be very kind and generous, he cooked me dinner (again- good cook) and after I had him sit in a chair as I gave him just a small shoulder/neck rub. Just to relax him, thank him for being so sweet, and I just like touching him. ;~}

Well, he decided to return the favor. How nice right? Well, um, it was nice of him. However, he is definitely more suited to chair massage than a relaxing massage. He used a deep pressure which was nice but uncomfortable at times (I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel better afterwards) anyway, my shoulders did feel better after, honest they did so I figured "huh, go figure...". Problem was, I forgot I have MS. I'm embarrassed to say its been years since I've had a massage and with that being said, I forgot about being mindful of pressure. I can't always have the pressure I like, and being as worn down as I've been over the last few weeks, I am now in so much pain I want to cry, or drink myself into oblivion (either works). I can't put my purse on my shoulder because it hurts too much, even my bra strap is painful- but lets face it, I can't go out in public without a bra.

So, the reason I say I'm broken again is because- if we go with massage, a friend and I used to get together and hang out, sometimes we'd give each other back massages, she has repeatedly broken me during this. I never understood why I would be in pain the next day till I got the diagnosis of MS.

If we go with the men in my life.......

Warning.....you will probably feel like this is TMI. So you might just want to stop with the massage explanation.

OK, here goes......
There is a man I have been friends with for many, many years. We have flirted throughout the years, but I have always made it very clear that I was married and not interested in anything other than friendship from him. I even stopped all contact other than phone calls so he wouldn't overstep the boundaries that were firmly in place.

Well, after my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex left me, about 10 months after, I was feeling lonely and frustrated so when he became insistent, I said "sure, why not?". I mean I've always been very good at compartmentalizing different aspects of my relationships with family and friends, so I decided there was no harm in having a little fun right?

He came over one night, and we decided just to "fool around" no sex. We wanted to make sure that our friendship would be ok before we did anymore. Thank goodness for that! He is an older gentleman and from all his talk, quite the ladies man I was expecting something that wasn't there. I was blown away, how could he not know how to kiss???? Seriously? And on top of that, he definitely got carried away, I think he tried to bite my nipple off, twice!! So when all was said and done I had a bruise on my nipple and wearing a bra was painful for about a week. In fact my nipples still ache just thinking about it.

The good news? Our friendship is better than ever. Once I got up the nerve to tell him what he did to me we laughed for 20 minutes and were able to move on. So I have had 2 friends break me through massage, and 2 guys break me while trying to "get some".

Bucket list

So I guess I can add "BEING" a stalker to my "other bucket list".

There is a really nice/very cute guy where I get coffee. I happened to stop here a while back because it was on the way to where I was taking a client. I usually stop at other coffee shops, well I DID. Now I find myself deliberately going out of my way to get coffee from his store.

He is very nice every time I see him. I think in reality he is just being a great server, but in my mind he's flirting with me and we might get married. :)

When I walk in, I am immediately looking for him, if I spy him, I quickly look away so he doesn't realize I'm stalking him. However, he always will go out of his way to wave or smile. He has even been known to wave both arms around to get MY attention. Of course this is because he doesn't realize I'm just playing hard to get. I'm way ahead of him. Already seen him and I'm planning the wedding.

Ok, so I'm not really planning a wedding, and I'm not REALLY stalking him, but I do go to his store hoping to see him. I also am drinking A LOT more coffee than before. ;)

I think this morning he might have been trying to subtly ask me out, or at least feel me out as to whether or not I am interested (I AM! I say jumping up and down) but my stupid MS was acting up at the worst possible time. I didn't really catch his question about my weekend and instead of asking hi to repeat it I gave an answer that by the look on his face didn't make much sense. When I analyzed the conversation later I realized I may have made a mistake. Drat, drat, and double drat! Foiled again!

Hope he asks again, and yes, I blamed the MS! This is the first time in over a month I've blamed my MS for my stupidity so I'm long overdue!!

Driving

As I start to learn my new car, I have been reminiscing about my history of driving.

I like to consider myself a good and safe driver, but I haven't always been able to say that about myself. My first experience with driving was on my grandparents riding lawn mower. The one and only time on it I drove it into their back steps. Not a shining moment.

My second experience was on the 4wheeler, again at my grandparents farm, which I drove into the electric fence. Amazingly I was allowed to drive it again, but stalled in out in the pasture. This is the part where I had to swallow my pride and walk the 1/2 mile back to the house and ask my grandfather to help me start it. (It was a pull start and I've always sucked at those.). This was the last time I was allowed to drive the 4wheeler.

Then I grew up, it was time to get my drivers license. It took me 3 tries. Yeah, still haven't gotten much better have I?

I finally got my license, and a car. It was a vw rabbit. I really did like that car. I even drove it right into the Falmouth High School. No damage to the school, a dented fender to the rabbit and mortification. I was mortified not only at having done it at all, but from having the music teacher, principal, and 20 students witnessing my stellar driving prowess. There are many other stories about the rabbit and maybe I'll share them another time.

From here, my driving record was pretty good, not a lot happened, I was just a VERY aggressive driver. The only other thing to point worth mentioning is that I have let my inspection sticker and registration lapse on occasion. The worst was actually with the van. T was due for a sticker LAST April. I have gotten a few tickets because of this, although strangely not over this last sticker. Go figure, lady luck was on my side this time.

When I learned I was pregnant it was like a switch was flipped. I became a VERY defensive driver. I get nervous now when people (like my soon-to-be-ex) stop close to my bumper and don't leave enough room. I am the one everyone is passing now. This doesn't mean I'm driving like my grampa, I'm not THAT slow. ;). I also drive everyone crazy when pulling out into traffic. I take forever and miss a lot of opportunities. I blame my MS for this. My depth perception is not what it used to be. Must be the MS right?

Isn't it amazing how we change as we grow up? I can see the changes in my driving alone. If this is where I'm at now, I'm terrified to think how embarrassingly slow I'll be in 20 years. How has your driving changed throughout the years?