Saturday, May 21, 2011

My life as an oxymoron

What do you mean you ask as you read the heading, well I'll tell you.  I have been having a lot of problems with my knee, after several months I talked to my Dr about it.  He sent me to a sports medicine Dr.  She took x-rays of my knee and came back with a diagnosis: I have patello-femoral pain syndrome.  Well, this made me nervous.  I mean it sounds so serious.  However, as I broke the words down I realized it meant pain behind the knee cap.  Why can't they just say that?  Why do they have to make it sound so scary?  Then came the news that has forever changed my life...........wait for it...............I have runners knee!!  Yes, me, I have it.  The Dr looked so serious when she told me, I tried to hold it in, but I laughed out loud.  She didn't understand so I let her in on the joke.....I'm fat, do I look like I've run a day in my life??  She assured me that you don't have to run to get "runners knee".  So that my friends is why I am an oxymoron.  I am a jumbo shrimp!  Thank goodness, one more thing to cross off my "Bucket List".
Enjoy the rest of your day, and strive to be a jumbo shrimp, I can tell you from experience that it's quite liberating!

Sunday, May 15, 2011


My son is such a joy most of the time, however...... he is (and has been for a while) at that age where he is constantly touching himself.  It started some time ago, I would ask him if he had to use the bathroom and his response would be "No, my testicle is stuck to my leg."  OK, that's just a little weird.  It only got to be a problem when he would go with me to the Dr's office and tell them the same thing.  Can we say embarrassing?
I had to tell him to just say "I'm adjusting" when out in public.  But he is "adjusting"all the time!
In fact the other day we were playing a game on the wii.  every time it was my turn he would "adjust".  When I tell him to stop, he does it more!!!  His teachers have talked to him, and me about it.  Our in home support staff has talked to me about it.  When does it go from being a "boy thing" to being a tic, or an OCD thing?  How do I stop it?
My boy has a problem.  He needs help.  We need an intervention, but they don't usually do interventions for boys who touch themselves all the time, and I do mean all the time!  In a ten minute period, there could be as many as 200 "adjustments".  They looking more like cuppings to me, but what do I know, I'm not a boy. Thank goodness, cause boys suck!!  At  least once they grow up they do.  I don't want my son to grow up.  I also don't want him to feel like he needs to "adjust" every 1/2 second.  O know, maybe I could get something like those dog collars that shock the dog every time they bark to teach them to stop barking at anything that breathes or twitches.  Although I'd rather not be charged with cruelty to my child.  But is it cruelty if I'm using it as a teaching tool?  Better not chance it.  Until next time....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Well, lets chat about the amazing two days I've just had.  Did you smell the sarcasm there?  You should have.

It all started yesterday morning with a phone interview for my son's insurance.  I was told that even without the interview I sent in enough information to guarantee he qualified.  So why did we go through the entire interview?  Then she wanted to chat.  Very nice woman, but I've got places to go and people to see!  Then I sat down for 5 minutes to relax before heading out only to get a call asking where I was from my mom.  Told her I'd be right there after dropping paperwork off at the office.  My manager wanted to chat, and catch up AND had a lot she wanted to let me know and do, but couldn't remember 1/2 of it.  She seemed put out when I finally said I have to go I was running late.  Did half the things my mother and I had planned, at least it included getting lunch!  Then headed to work.  This is where the real fun began.....

I didn't have keys, had to find where staff was hiding the back door key, found that, let myself in and found no food, no milk, WTH?  One of the 2 clients came home having been incontinent in the drivers car.  Got in the house to remember I didn't the key to the med closet or bathroom closet.  No key= NO GLOVES!!!!  Thankfully I remembered that I have a box in my car at all times.  Now you know and don't have to wonder if you ever fund yourself in my car. Helped client #1 clean up and changed.  Waiting for staff to show up.  Client #2 comes home, I realize that staff are not coming, call nearby program to have them bring spare med/ bathroom key to me.  Waited 20 minutes for her to show up.  Turned my ankle when going to answer the door.  Got a call from my manager asking me to take both clients to the office 15 minutes away and get money for groceries, giving me 1hr 20 min to get to the office, get home, cook the only package of hotdogs and can of soup in the house, pack a swim bag, do some medical care, and meds before having to leave to take clients to swimming.  Talk about stress much?
I arrived at the office and told manager that we were doing take out for supper to conserve time.  They got the order wrong.  Then stopped for coffee ( I really needed it at this point) they got that order wrong too.  Got home, packed, meds, ate( clients not me), did the 5 things manager asked me to do, called overnight staff to come in early and left a few minutes late for swimming.  After swimming stopped at store to pick up milk, bread, fruit and snacks for lunches. Came home.

Now I have 40 minutes to write the whole days notes for both clients, switch laundry, make lunch for tomorrow, give other meds, assist client with ADLS, and help a client to bed.  The stress isn't much better. I have one client who won't stop talking to me and let me concentrate and then I get a phone call from my accountant.  Guess why?

Her computer was compromised, and All our info including social security numbers were compromised.  I then in a complete panic and daze take down all the steps I need to take to protect myself.  This left me 10 minutes to do everything I need to do, while panicking about identity theft.  Are you kidding me?
I miraculously get everything done, except client to bed, while overnight staff arrives and starts complaining about how he was never told that the clients move was postponed, although he somehow did find out about it before he had to work his next shift.  Huh, make sense?  Then I got home only to have my  hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband be condescending to the point I wanted to throw things at him.  This was day one.

Day 2 started with a meeting at my sons school, and ended with me coming home late to my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband telling me that he doesn't think he can continue much longer with late nights 5 nights a week. ( Sunday:9pm, Monday:9:20pm, Tuesday:9:20pm, Wednesday:11:20pm, and Thursday:7pm.  So I know that Weds is late, but the rest he's been doing all along.  Now I will admit to being late 2 nights this week, but I apologized, and it's out of the ordinary.  When I asked him if he wanted me to find a babysitter for one or more nights a week he stormed off into the night like I'm such a bad person.

In between all that, I was in a meeting with my manager, shopping for groceries for my son, working and missing supper, and missing voting.

Now I know what you are thinking, how much of this is true?  I can assure you, all of it.  You can't make this shit up.  I can look back at it now and see the absurdness that all this would happen in such a small period of time but I assure you it did. Sometimes I wonder, what would I do if life were normal?  By that I mean normal for normal people, cause this seems to be my normal.  I don't think I'd know what to do with myself, what do you think?  Talk at you soon.......  

Saturday, May 7, 2011


So today I turned 38 years old.  I feel older than that half the time, and the rest I think I'm still 18.  For as long as I can remember, I've haven't been excited about my birthday, it's just another day, like any other.  I still feel like that, but it would be nice if the people I was close to and cared for could at least say happy birthday.  I don't want any presents, I don't want people to make a big deal about it, but a simple happy birthday would be nice.
I don't have my birthday public on Facebook, because I don't want people to feel like they need to say anything. I figure the people that really matter, will remember on their own. How wrong I was.  My aunt, and brother remembered sending me cards and even a phone call from my incredibly busy brother.
My parents remembered, but only parts of it.  I know that sounds strange, but hear me out.  My mother planned a birthday dinner for Friday night, (night before my birthday).  I talked to her 2 days later and she was making plans for a birthday dinner Saturday night.  I didn't bother reminding her about Friday night.  I then talked to her Friday night and was told that she had my birthday card and present at her house, but she didn't know when I would get it because I probably wouldn't be coming out anytime soon.  She just wanted me to know it was there and she hadn't forgotten to get me anything.  Well my son was very excited to go to dinner at Granny and Papa's house so I reminded her about dinner.  She had completely forgotten.  She agreed that we could still come out but we would have to do take out and she would cook me something sometime but hadn't the foggiest as to when..  I don't know how you'd feel, but I felt special now.
Now comes the big day, I have to tell my son to wish me a happy birthday, I ask him what he wants to do because I would like to do something special today.  He said " I don't know"  I gave him several options: going to the beach, going to a park, flying his kite etc...  He shot everything down saying "No"  I offered to go see the animals at Smiling Hills Farm, or Flagherty's.  Nothing. He decided on the Children's Museum, $75 and 2 hrs later, my son was happy, and I was broke.  Don't get me wrong, I had fun knowing that he was enjoying himself, and the$75 was for a year pass that includes a caregiver as well as my son and I, so I have invested in a years worth of fun, adventure, and exploring for my son and a years worth of boredom for myself.  I'm sorry, but after the first time I went there I can't get as excited about it again, but if my son is happy so am I.  Right?
Moving on....I got phone calls from 2 of my dearest and closest friends this afternoon.  Neither one remembered my birthday.  I wasn't too disappointed, but one friend and I had talked about it yesterday!!!!  I just had to say something,  I am 2 1/2 months older than her.  During our conversation I interrupted her and said "Sorry, I just have to say I'm now older than you."  She had no idea what I was talking about so I said, "It's my birthday today, I'm now a year older than you for a couple of months."  She immediately apologized for forgetting, I told her the only reason I mentioned it was because we had talked about it the day before.  She had completely forgotten the conversation.  I had to laugh.  My best friend since high school has forgotten 2 years in a row now, this being the third.
I have another friend from high school whom I reconnected with a year and a half ago.  She sent me an e-mail this evening apologizing for not remembering earlier.   I had to laugh again, that she would be the only friend to remember was laughable.  My hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband even got me a present ( "from my son" who refused to get me anything or make me a card this year) and my father-in-law cane to play with my son and the first thing out of his mouth was "Happy birthday, but you're son gets the present."  Typical.
Please don't think I'm upset by friends not remembering, I'm the one who says to everyone "Don't make a big deal about it.  It's only another day."  But you know what?  It's my birthday damn it!  People can at least remember and say Happy Birthday.
Sometimes it's fun being a little contrary, winds people up.  Like telling all my Red Sox fans I'm a Yankee fan. (Actually, I don't really follow baseball.  I mean I'll watch a game if I'm with others and that's what they are doing, but I don't watch any otherwise.  I'm lucky if I know any of the players name from any team.  It just makes it a little more interesting.  Shhhh, don't tell anyone. ;-)  Besides, it's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.   Or stomp my feet, or laugh at all the foolishness around me. 
I actually had a very nice birthday despite all the mishaps.  To all my friends out there: I forgive you...

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I'll try to behave...

So I know that a couple people have stated that I over share, but it's who I am, sorry.  I just want to quickly update my last post, it's been three days on the "yogurt diet" and it actually seems to be working, go figure.  (It also still makes me hungry when I use the bathroom, and giggle)
Now on to more appropriate things...... 
I recently went to the grocery store and while there I bought some quinoa in the bulk section.  Upon arriving at check out, the cashier asked me what this bag of stuff was.  I responded quinoa, she asked what it was, I told her it was a while grain.  She then proceeded to ask me if it was a seed, I said "No, it's a whole grain, Q-U-I-N-O-A."  She checked under seed, couldn't find it.  I again told her it was a whole grain.  By this time, a line if people has formed behind me, impatiently waiting for their turn.  I told the cashier very nicely that I didn't need the quinoa today, and would come back another time to get it.  She ignored me, I guess she was on a personal quest of enlightenment at this point which rendered the customer is always right policy null and void.  She checked under everything she could think of for almost 5 minutes, at this point I was ready to slap the woman silly and apologize to the people behind me for this woman's single-mindedness.  When the clouds parted and she had an inspired thought, all on her own she decided that maybe she should check under grains.  Low and behold, she is a miracle unto herself.   She found my quinoa and rang it in. While doing this she turned to me to let me know for future reference, that quinoa is a grain.  I payed her quickly and left a little dumber than when I started.
I will say, quinoa is a great seed, no I mean grain, and I enjoyed it greatly.  You should try it, just remember, if buying in bulk, it's a grain.... enjoy!

Monday, May 2, 2011


If you are bothered by TMI, please skip this post, it's not for you.

You've been warned.........
I have been on a lot of antibiotics lately, 2 bouts of strep throat in 2 weeks, a double surgery, and a slight infection of the incisions a week later.  That's a lot, and all within a month.  I don't know about other people, but I tend to get a yeast infection EVERY time I go on antibiotics.  As you can imagine, this last month has not been fun for a multitude of reasons.  Can you guess where this is going?
A friend of mine is deeply into all natural/herbal remedies.  She hates Dr's and is convinced that everything we need is growing in her garden.  I'm not saying she's wrong, but sometimes it just sounds wrong.  My friend was over the other day and we were chatting.  I tend to have few to none mental filters about my life and over share.  What can I say? It's how I roll. So I told her about my discomfort.  She was quick to offer a solution, and not one I was expecting.  She told me to go out and get Stoneyfield organic yogurt.  I should start eating it right away, and then take some and insert it up my vagina.  SAY WHAT??  I dismissed her idea as crazy.  I only had strawberry flavored and that was going no where but in my mouth.  Well, I finally broke down yesterday and bought some plain yogurt (Stoneyfield) well, with lots of misgivings I took a medical syringe, we'll have to get a new one if my son needs liquid medicine ever again, and filled it with yogurt.  I took it upstairs with me and spent a 1/2 hour talking myself into trying it.
Do I really think it'll work?  Can it hurt me?  What can happen.  Suffice it to say, I did and then went to bed.  It was very soothing immediately.  So far so good.  Well, it's the next day, it's not gone, but it does feel better, so I'll try it again tonight, I'll let you know if it works.  However, there is a certain side effect that is a little disconcerting at first, every time I have to pee, all I can smell is yogurt.  Now I want to giggle (and get hungry) every time I have to go to the bathroom.  Let's see how long this lasts.......... till next time stock up on the yogurt. ;-)