Friday, September 7, 2012

Body Shape Wear

I have to be honest. When I went to my brothers wedding last year I bought a couple of body shape wear items. My original thought was that they would make my round body shape look like a size 8 hourglass. This is NOT what happens to a plus size lady. Let's just be clear on THAT!

For all you thin and in shape women who wear these for no reason I can understand, I'm sure they suck you right in. For us big girls, the lumps only look slightly less lumpy. Not only this, but another wonderful benefit (I discovered today while my sons staff were sitting in the kitchen playing LEGOS with him and I was making his supper-in the kitchen too!) is that they do not provide a place for your pants to "grip". By this I mean as I bent over to put the homemade pizza in the oven I realized my pants were down around my knees. Not the most attractive look, and not a show I want to give to staff.

I do not know if either staff witnessed my strip tease in the kitchen or if they were too focused on my son and the Legos. Since they are both professional and didn't say anything we will go with they saw nothing. Yeah, lets go with that.

I am on my way out for a date and now on top of all the dating worries, I now have to hope my pants stay up so he doesn't think I'm easy. Wish me luck!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Weddings for the single woman

What could this possibly be about you ask? I'll tell you. When you are single and invited to a wedding, etiquette would dictate the invitation be addressed the intended invitee and guest, or +1.

Now, I didn't realize it at the time but when my brother got married the invitation was addressed to ONLY me. I understand my son not being invited. A lot of people do not want children at their wedding, I get that. The reason I am thinking about my brothers wedding is because my cousin is getting married next month and I just got my invitation to her wedding.

Surprise! It is addressed to only me again. I know that I am only days/weeks till I am a legally single woman, but I've been living alone for going on 3 years now. Do my family really think I can't find a date to a wedding? They don't even give me the option for a date. I'm feeling very insulted. I have to tell you that if the next wedding I'm invited to it doesn't have a +1 I am adding this to my "other bucket list".

How rude!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Another immaculate conception. It's a miracle

What could I possibly be talking about you wonder? Well, I just found out I will be a grandmother.

How is this possible? I'm only 39 years old! Ok, so my age does not mean its impossible. I get that. What makes this a miracle is that the person pregnant is my 10 year old son. Yes, you read correctly: 10 years old. SON!

This is what happened. Last night my son calmly told me that it felt like something was moving in his belly and he thinks it feels like it would if he were pregnant. I sympathized with him and explained that it was his intestines and the gas that was trapped there. I told him I had felt this way many times, most people have. Anyway, the matter was dropped and we moved in with our night.

This morning I dropped him off with his dad. I went to work. I got a call at 8pm from his dad telling me "Your son is saying he's pregnant. He also says that we are all Gods puppets and God can make anything happen. God has made me pregnant. It's what he wants."

His dad sounded furious, I don't think he was at all impressed that I found this so hilarious, or that I was so impressed with my sons argument, but I did and I was.

I happily admit that I am a Christian. I will also admit that I have not taught my son about God and Jesus and spirituality as I wish I had. We talk about it sometimes but it's really hard when you have a son with special needs. If he's not interested you might as well save your breath. We're getting there though. Because of this I think my ex blames me for our sons thinking and is NOT impressed. I don't know what to tell him, I do not think we are Gods puppets and have not told my son this. This is his own deductions about God, and I can't help but be impressed that he has thought about God at all on his own.

So now I have promised my atheist ex that I would have a talk with our boy when I get the chance. (its probably a good idea because his dad has a completely different approach and is not always successful in communicating his thoughts in a way that works for our son).

So, I think congratulations are in order, I'll be listing what he wants for the baby shower in a later post as the pregnancy progresses. Don't worry, I still have his crib and changing table. (so glad I didn't get rid of them now). My son and I will have to sit down and talk about his birthing plan----I will be strongly suggesting a C-section.

For those of you reading, if we are friends on Facebook or twitter I ask that you post to my wall "congratulations" just to know you're reading and appreciating the situation I find myself in. Have a wonderful night everyone.....

Look at the picture, he's starting to show.