Friday, April 29, 2011

My amazing son?

So, today we 're talking about my son.  I love him more than life and love and accept everything about him.  He has a lot of difficulties in his life which are going to continue to make his life harder throughout life.  One week after my lying-cheating-hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband told me he was leaving me, my son climbed into bed with me to tell me he was "mad at me".  I asked him why, expecting an answer such as " You wouldn't let me stay up late last night" or "you wouldn't let me have dessert".  Boy was I wrong.  Instead my son proceeded to tell me that I wouldn't buy him girl clothes, let him grow his hair out, and that his name is Samantha.
My first reaction was to roll over, look at the ceiling and ask God: "Now?  You give this to me now?!?"  My second thought was: "But I don't like the name Samantha...."  With that thought I knew I would be able to come to terms with any gender issues that might have arisen, or are yet to come.  I mean, if my strongest reaction is to the name, come on.  So I said "ok" can we talk about the name?  I explained that I didn't have the money to buy him new clothes, but that girls wear shirts and sweatpants too.  He seemed ok with that, talking about the hair, I have told him that he can grow out his hair if he wants, but that we need to brush it everyday to take care of it.  This was over a year ago and he still has short hair.  He still hates it, but hates brushing out the knots and snarls he gets when it starts to get longer more.
I got in touch with friends to get information about transgenders and how best to support William in this.  The good news is he's told my mom that if he grows up to be a girl, he will change his name to Willow.  Much better.
I have always said I would love and accept my son no matter if he were heterosexual or homosexual.  Now I am adding transgendered to that list.
Here's where it gets interesting, this past year, we role play all the time.  I don't ever get to be mommy unless he's getting out of the bath and wants help drying off, or needs me to assist with wiping after a bm.  Usually I get to play a boy, I have been Luigi from Mario brothers, and more recently I am Brock from Pokemon. William is the girl, princess Daisy from Mario, and recently different Pokemon trainers.  We are either dating or married in our play.  Oedipus much?  While at my parents house, playing, I was Luigi, William was my wife Daisy, and my parents were Mario and Peach.  Daisy proceeded to tell me that sometimes she was in love with Peach as well.  What the @%#$?  Now I have the possibility of having a son who is heterosexual, homosexual, transgendered, and possibly a transgendered lesbian? Really?  I love him, and will always accept him, but for just this minute, really???  GOD, now?  you give this to me now? with everything else? really?  No, honestly, it's a joke right?

Ok, that's out of my system.  I do love him and wouldn't trade him for another child for anything, he makes my heart sing and smile.  Sorry you had to witness my melt down, but sometimes it's a little too much.  Well, thanks for reading, hope I made you smile, until next time.......

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Let me start off with the whole reason for this blog page....... I was having "female problems", I went for my annual gyn appt, and when I told the dr about my issues, she suggested I have a pelvic ultrasound.
I went for my ultrasound and was told that things did not appear normal. I tried to explain that I am not normal, but they scheduled a sonohistogram anyway. When I arrived for the procedure, they did another ultrasound first, found that in the two weeks since the last one my uterus had tilted, also, the tech couldn't find my right ovary. I explained that it was shy and with the paparazzi having taken so many pictures two weeks ago, it was done with being photographed, and was just waiting until the cameras were removed before coming out to resume it's day. I don't think the tech found me amusing. The Dr then joined our little party 10 minutes later for the procedure. She inserted the speculum and when she reached for the catheter, the speculum shot out of my body like a rocket. (And I can tell you from first hand experience, it hurts coming out while open, and at that velocity.) So she reinserted the speculum, once again reached for the catheter with the same result. (Didn't feel any better the second time.) My Dr then told me I needed to stop clenching my muscles. I explained that I hadn't been, my vagina was just hostile. I guess I was the only one in the room who appreciated my sense of humor. So third times a charm right? In went the speculum, and the Dr had the tech hold it in place this time. Catheter was successfully placed, speculum removed, and the pictures commenced. Sad to say, I found out that day, that my uterus is a hoarder. That's right, I said it, it's a hoarder. I vowed right then that I would get it help, counseling, maybe get it on one of those TV reality shows: Hoarding-Buried Alive. We also found out that in the 10-15 min since the first ultrasound, my uterus had tilted the other way. What the hell? I was told repeatedly by the Dr and the tech that my uterus was bulbous as well, not sure how I feel about that, but what can you do??
My Dr decided I needed to have a biopsy, let me tell you right now, this sucks. I couldn't believe the pain. ( Of course I have a severely low pain tolerance so that might account for my crying like a baby.) So the first catheter came out, along with all the fluid they had just pumped into me, love feeling like I'm peeing in front of others. The speculum went in, Dr forgot about the fiasco a few minutes before, so it immediately flew back out like it had wings. I reminded my Dr my vagina was hostile, so when she placed it again, the tech held it in place for the larger catheter that was needed for the biopsy. However, my Dr had to wait to insert the catheter, because my uterus was tilting back and forth like it was in a pinball game.
So, to recap all that I learned on this visit to the Dr: shy right ovary which is so over all the media. Hostile vagina, which used to love having company, but I'm convinced that my lying-cheating-hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband has over the years turned hostile. I'm hoping now that he's out of the house and moving on, my vagina will get over the trauma and learn to love again. And finally, I have a hoarding/ party-animal for a uterus who needs help.
I call that a productive day at the Dr's...........
Hi, let me start off with a little information about myself and what I'm doing here. I haven't a clue. I was told I should blog about some of the more stupid aspects of my life, and I said okay. I am not a great writer, so if you're looking for eloquence, please look elsewhere.
I am a mother of a child with significant developmental delays and mental health issues, whatever that means. I also have my own health issues as well.

Hope you enjoy.
P.S.~ This is not for the feint of heart........