Am I a lesbian?

Well, am I?

The answer quite simply is:

Wait for it.........NO. No I am not. How do I know? Because it doesn't interest me. I guess (TMI alert!) I would be ok with receiving, but the giving is a different subject matter all together and doesn't interest me AT ALL! Feeling this way makes it very clear that a lesbian relationship would never work because I don't know of any relationship that works when it is so one sided. (pretty sure this was part of the problem with my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex)

Why am I bringing this up? Interesting question. I've been reminiscing lately and remember a day fresh out of high school when my mother brought me into her bedroom, sat me down and very lovingly and supportively asked me this very question. "Are you a lesbian?"

As I'm sure you can imagine, this was so surprising to me I was in shock. After a minute I was able to gather my thoughts (rest assured, NOT because I was thinking about if I was one, but because this was my MOM, and I couldn't believe she was asking!) I told her calmly that no, I was not a lesbian.

Now, from here most people would probably take you at your word and move on. Oh no, not my mother, that would be entirely too painless and embarrassment free for me. She asked me several times, every time varying the question just a little. Was she hoping that it would confuse me and trip me up? That after the 7th time I would say "well, actually I am mom. I was just waiting for you to ask me enough times that I knew you REALlY wanted to know."

She was very supportive, telling me repeatedly that it was OK and she and my father would still love me if I was.

I was appreciative of this, to know that she would love me no matter what was a great thing. But why wasn't she accepting my answer? Why did she seem to be disappointed with my choice to live a heterosexual life style?

After much debate over said lifestyle, my mom came out with it. The reason she was convinced was because I had shown no interest in men for a while. ( I was single and not interested for a year- during which time I was working a full time job and in my first year of college full time. Plus my last relationship ended horribly). I was also not dressing up (I'm a casual kind of girl-always have been, always will be) and I wasn't wearing make-up. (I hate make-up - I wear it for special occasions only). She even went so far as to tell me I looked ill without it. Can't tell you how happy that made me. (self esteem went up a few more notches that day, yeah right!)

So I guess what I learned is that my mother thinks if a woman is not dressed to the nines, wearing make-up and having a date or actively hunting for a man every day- you MUST be a lesbian. Talk about having a stereotype.

Wonder what she thought the last 2 lonely years of my life. Probably that I finally came out of the closet!

But honest- I'm not a lesbian!

I refuse to be organized!

I am not the most organized person in the world.  I fully acknowledge and accept that about myself.  I know I leave a lot to be desired in that area.  Well, for once I'm ahead of the game.  When it comes to friends and family I have planned ahead for Christmas.  Yeah!!!!  I have bought the items I needed to make some thoughtful homemade gifts this year.  I knew I wouldn't have a lot of money so I actually planned ahead.  I know, get a cold face cloth and place it on your forehead, it's appropriate here.
Have we gotten over the shock?  I sure hope so, because although I didn't spend hundreds of dollars on these presents, I spent enough.  (most of it was on homemade vanilla extract- I didn't do my research and who knew that vanilla beans cost so much?  I know my friend warned me, but really, I didn't think they were that expensive)
Now my mother sends out an e-mail to me, my brother , and my sister-in-law ( remember they were married?  See the post about being violated)  In this e-mail she reminds us that no one has much money this year so we are all challenged to buy each other gifts without going over $5 each.  WHAT???  $5 each?  I've already invested more into these presents.  I have a whole gift basket for everyone!!!  What the hell do I do now?  This bloody vanilla has cost me more than the $20 I'm allowed for both parents and brother and sister-in-law!
Anyone looking for a gift basket for Christmas?  Apparently I'll be selling them or giving them to friends, or just using it myself.  That's why I'm not organized.  This is where it gets me.  Well screw you, I'm going home.  Wait, I'm already there--oh crap..................and why is my house such a mess?  Where's the maid?