Monday, October 29, 2012


While enjoying my cousins wedding (when I wasn't being scarred by my male family members) I walked up to my brother, a male cousin, and a friend of the family- one of my uncles best friends. They shooed me away as I got close and then all looked embarrassed and chuckled a little.

After, the family friend came over to apologize and explain that he had been telling a "man joke". Now, he was quite inebriated at the time, which was quite amusing to watch. Here is as close as I can get to the conversation that followed.

I will warn you now that in this reselling of the conversation I will be sharing the "man joke". So step away now and avert your eyes if you don't like inappropriate jokes.

P: sorry, I was telling a MAN joke, it has ladies genitalia, alcohol and a little anal in it. I can't tell these kinds of jokes in front of women because they are "man jokes".

Me: that's ok, I figured it was something like that.

P: well, I'm drunk enough that I could probably tell it to you if you wanted to hear it.

Me: ok, it's up to you but I don't offend easily and have heard some pretty bad jokes in my time...

P: no, I can't tell you. It has ladies genitalia and alcohol in it. I'd be too embarrassed.

Me: ok

P: well, if you're sure you won't be offended......I can't believe I'm telling you's a man joke. It has ladies genitalia and alcohol in it.

Me: it's up to you P.

P: ok, a man walks into a bar...are you sure you want to hear this? It has ladies genitalia and alcohol in it...

Me: it's fine P. you've started have to finish.

P: so the man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and coke. The bartender says sure thing and sets down an apple in front of the patron. Are you sure you want to hear this? I'm so the guy asks "what is this? I ordered a r&c not an apple." The bartender tells him to take a bite. The man does and seems amazed. "I taste's all fizzy, that's amazing!" The bartender then says "turn it around..." The man does and is amazed when he takes a bite..."it tastes like Bacardi! Wow, that's incredible."
Another man walks into the bar...are you sure you want to hear this? I can't believe I'm telling you this. I must be really drunk. This joke is a mans joke, it has ladies genitalia and alcohol in it... This second guy says "I've had a very long day. I need something light and refreshing, can I have a gin and tonic please?" The bartender says sure and puts an apple down in front of the guy. When he complains the bartender tells him to take a bite. He does and is amazed. "I taste gin. How did you do that?" The bartender replies "turn it around....." The man does and get so excited "it tastes light and fizzy and refreshing. Just like seltzer water! I can't believe you made a g&t from an apple!"

At this point P sees his wife walk by and starts expounding on how she is the hottest woman in the world (very sweet to see and hear someone who is still so in love with their spouse). My brother walks up at this point and P asks him if he should tell me the joke as its a "mans joke" and has ladies genitalia and alcohol and a little anal in it. My brother responded that I was an adult and I knew what I was getting I to. So P continued after telling me yet again that he was so embarrassed.

P: a third man walks into the bar, walks up to the bar and says " I've had a hell of a girlfriend just left me after 5 years. I don't know if you can help me, but I need a drink that tastes like a woman. I mean A WOMAN. (If you know what I mean)." The bartender replied " I know how you feel. I've been there myself, and I've been experimenting. I think I have exactly what you want." And with that he puts an apple on the bar. The man looks very puzzled, but the other two patrons encourage him to try it. So he takes a bite and spits it out immediately. "Oh! That tastes like sh#t!" The bartender then replies "turn it around.........."

At this point P is 50 shades of red and stumbling all over himself telling me he is so embarrassed he told me and asking me if I was offended. To this I replied:

"P, you should be ashamed of yourself! You watched me grow up!"

I think he almost fainted! It was the best laugh of the night as far as I was concerned. Poor P, I don't think he will ever bring himself to tell another woman a "man joke" again.

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