Thursday, October 20, 2011


I went to the doctors yesterday because I've been having palpitations for over a week now (12 days to be exact) non stop.  Scary I know right?  Long story short: my heart is fine, nothing to worry about.  I am here today to talk about the horror that was my experience with having an EKG.  Most people know, it's a very simple non scary procedure. I mean they put the little sticky things over your chest and hook them up for about a minute and read how your heart is functioning.  Pretty mundane and boring really, so why was my experience a horror you ask?  I'm fat and have saggy boobs.  Some of this is from breast feeding, but I have always been more endowed then the average woman with F cups.  Yes, I've said it, I'm freakishly large.  Well the problem with being so freakishly large is- they are not perky, and haven't been for as long as they got that large.  (I envy those with perky breasts)  If you see a woman well-endowed who has perky breasts they are either VERY well supported or they are fake!  I promise you. 
Anyway, due to the sagging I have experienced most of my life I find that when I lie down on my back I have one of two problems: 1- they are lonely and want to visit my face, thereby almost chocking me in their excitement of a visit, or 2- they get very shy and hide in my armpits for warmth and secrecy.  This day they were shy.  I had a 20-something nurse flopping my left breast all around putting sticky things under, over and around my boob.  Then it started all over again when she had to connect the wires to said sticky things.  Couldn't they be done at once?  She covered me up between forays, why?  it was just the two of us, she has already seen all there is to see.  So what was the point?  Does she have short term memory loss and wanted to be surprised all over again in one minute?  When it was over-- less than 5 minutes from when it started-- she came at and started the humiliation all over again.  Why does she have to remove the wires first and  come back for the sticky things?  Couldn't she have just ripped them off and removed the wires after?  I mean one less bought of flip-flopping breast is a plus in my book, I just know she had a hidden smirk when my eyes were closed, comparing her perky and high breasts to mine which by this time were so embarrassed that I think they have taken up permanent residence in my armpits.  I mean it's over 24 hours later and they still won't come out!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Em, I can relate... had my first mammogram last week... let's just say my girls haven't had that much handling in a long time. I informed my boyfriend be better step up his game. ;-)