Kids say the darnedest things

***********WARNING**********

Even I have a hard time with this one!!!








My son came upstairs this morning and one thing led to another.....and he randomly tells me that his dad pees in front of him.

WTH? How do I respond to such a thing? So I said the only thing I could think of....."do you watch to see how to pee in the toilet without peeing ON the toilet, and floor, and walls?" "Yes" he responds.

Then he tells me that "You know what mommy? Dad has a very hairy penis." Again: HOW DO I RESPOND TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT??? It's been a very long time since I've wanted to think about that "thing". I mean really, poke my brain with a hot poker please.

He then kept talking about it. Oh goodness! I don't even remember how we ended the topic except that I am now traumatized and he was giggling a lot. It will be a very Long time before I can look him in the eye again.......(the dad, not my son)

Sometimes you just wish you had a video camera

My son and I went to visit my parents today. When he took his jacket off I noticed something on the back of his shirt. I came closer and realized it was a tangled piece of thread, most likely from the jacket. I took it off his shirt, and spontaneously decided to joke with him. I told him I just removed a spider from his shirt. He didn't buy it, and told me so. I went to show him the thread when it accidentally fell on his arm. He screamed and backed away from me as fast as his legs could carry him.

My parents helped me to calm him down, I apologized but he wouldn't come near me for about 5 minutes. He was really mad at me. I know I should feel bad, but I was laughing too hard. My mom scolded me for laughing.....(while fighting a smile of her own)

It was one of those moments I really wish I had my video camera on. I could have made a fortune on AFV! Trust me, it was hilarious

Golden Girls

I have loved watching the Golden Girls for years. Whenever I come across reruns I will almost always tune in and settle down to laugh...

My divorce was final yesterday. As I was flipping through the channels this morning, I found The Golden Girls, tuned in and started laughing. After the show my son and I drove to the store. I started contemplating my life.... My ex (it's so exciting to say ex and not "my-hopefully-soon-to-be-ex") drives me crazy. I have moments where I HATE him, but honestly, I don't really. We get along for our sons sake pretty well mostly. He told me (right after he left me for a 24 year old-but I'm not bitter- so I wasn't in the most receptive mood) that I was his best friend. While I don't agree with that, and I'm pretty sure he has changed his mind by now. The hope is that over time we can become more friendly than we have been. He will always piss me off I'm sure, but driving today I got a VERY clear picture in my head of 20 years from now.

I am Dorothy, he is Stan, the putz that she can't stand, but also has a soft spot for. He will forever be in my life because of my son, but also because he is a little clueless about some things in life....... So, who will I be living with?? I really want to know! Who will be my Blanche, Sofia, and Rose?

Come on girls, we need to start planning, and whoever is Rose?....NO St. Olaf stories! lol

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

I'm an old Subaru?

I met a man this last autumn, we started emailing, then dating... he was a good guy, a little strange, but then, so am I. After a couple weeks he asked to slow things down. He stated he always goes too fast and didn't want to repeat past mistakes. Ok, we'll be friends first... Then he started telling me about these other women he was spending more time with than me. One in particular, it finally clicked....he was dating HER and I was friend zoned. (Don't mistake that as being a long time time before I figured it out.. It was only a couple of days and he was telling me the opposite).

I readjusted and realized that I was more than fine only being friends, we were obviously NOT a love match. We continued to talk, even hung out again... He told me how great he was to the women in his life. I called him on his crap.. Tat is not to say he had treated me bad or anything, and I'm sure none of it was conscious. Well, that was my bad, I shouldn't have said anything! He decided he had made a mistake and I was who he really wanted. Yikes! I told him he was just scared of this new relationship and this is what he told me:

She is like a shiny new sports car, being a different ethnicity etc, made her a novelty, something you think you want because it is different and beautiful. I am like his old Subaru. I'm not very pretty on the outside but I have all the necessities in life that make a person content and maybe even happy.

What??? I'm an old Subaru that's not so pretty???? I guess this is one more item to add to the "other bucket list" sigh....

Vroom....vroom.....cough.....splutter.....vroom.....vroom