Bucket list revisited

This should be short and sweet. I have a new addition to my "other bucket list".

This morning (and I PROMISE not to get into details- not even if you ask real nice) I broke my bed frame while having sex. Never thought it would happen, but it did. Have to say, quite proud of myself and my partner. Good game sir, good game......

And FYI- I was able to fix the bed frame later in the morning, much later.......

Raccoon face

I have been walking around all day with my sunglasses on asking my clients, co-workers and family if they want to see a magic trick.

If they say yes, I tell them to look closely at my face and tell me if they think it is me, the person. When they say yes, I lift my sunglasses and say abra-cadabra! And tell them I'm a raccoon.

See, if you didn't figure it out....I got a sunburn yesterday while wearing sunglasses. Yeah, I so wasn't smart yesterday. I forgot the sunscreen on my face. I did apply it to the rest of me, however, I put it on while wearing my t-shirt. So, 1/2 an hr later, when I took my shirt off I SHOULD have applied sunscreen to my chest, shoulders and upper back. This I didn't do. Instead I sat in the blazing hot sun for 3&1/2 hours. Can we say char-broiled?

To top it all off, when putting the sunscreen on my legs, I bent down a little to spray and in doing so I missed the lower half of my thighs. How did I do that you ask? Good question, let me explain:

I wear bathing suits that look like mini dresses, because it gives me the illusion that I look thinner, or at least hides how fat I really am. If I'm honest I know that it doesn't fool anyone, but I am able to live in the fantasy of the non-illusion.

Anyway, bending over in a skirted bathing suit means that the skirt follows and covers up more of my legs than it will while I am standing. Did I take that into consideration while applying the sunscreen? Of course not. Should I have? Yes, yes I should have. Especially since I've been wearing this type of suit for many years now.

So, to sum up: I have a reverse raccoon face (red face with white burglar mask), crispy chest/shoulders/upper back, and the tops of my knees are bright red as well. I hope the rest of the summer is not full of this much forgetfulness of sunscreen safety. Otherwise I will be going braless most of the summer, to heck with my need for the support!!!
I have to admit I am wearing one right now, but it's only because I have in home support for my son here, and we play a lot, and because I am going to drop my son off at my parents house in a little while and I know how it would really bother them. However, I can assure you that as soon as I am back in the car the bra will be coming off. Ahh, even the thought of that freedom brings a smile to my face.

Please remember to wear your sunscreen, you do not want to end up like me..... Happy summer!

Alcohol and depression don't mix

So, as you can guess from the title of this post, having some issues with my depression the last couple of days. It seems like about a months worth of days crap has decided to gang up on me at once.....

Well, I won't get into all that (or I'd be sitting here in Walmart for the next month) but I will say that feeling like this and drinking alcohol really don't mix. How do I know? When I got home last night I decided to drink.

Now, for those who know me, you know I don't really ever drink. I mean I didn't even drink at my brothers wedding. I don't like to drink. I don't like the feeling of being out of control.

So, it's kind of strange that I would turn to alcohol last night, but I did. So there's no use regretting it. What I did realize is that the combination makes me leak. Yes, that's right, you heard it here first. Alcohol and depression make me leak.

Well....they make my eyes leak that is. I cried all night. Were you thinking tears when I said leak? I doubt it. You thought this was going to be another poise pad blog.

I remember one of my first polarity sessions from an RPP. During the session she channeled my spirit guide. An owl. While she was telling me about what my spirit guide wanted me to know I started crying because it was so beautiful and right on the money. When the session was over I sat up and told her she had made me leak. I wish I had the words to perfectly describe the horror on her face, until I explained it was my eyes doing the leaking that is. Alas, I will probably never be able to adequately describe the moment but it will live on in my mind and make me smile when I think of it.

I'm broken.....again

Well, this post could go one of two ways.....the men in my life or massages I've received from friends who are NOT LMT's.

Which way do I go, which way do I go....

I'm sitting on my couch as I write this in extreme pain. A friend of mine that I'm seeing decided he would be very kind and generous, he cooked me dinner (again- good cook) and after I had him sit in a chair as I gave him just a small shoulder/neck rub. Just to relax him, thank him for being so sweet, and I just like touching him. ;~}

Well, he decided to return the favor. How nice right? Well, um, it was nice of him. However, he is definitely more suited to chair massage than a relaxing massage. He used a deep pressure which was nice but uncomfortable at times (I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel better afterwards) anyway, my shoulders did feel better after, honest they did so I figured "huh, go figure...". Problem was, I forgot I have MS. I'm embarrassed to say its been years since I've had a massage and with that being said, I forgot about being mindful of pressure. I can't always have the pressure I like, and being as worn down as I've been over the last few weeks, I am now in so much pain I want to cry, or drink myself into oblivion (either works). I can't put my purse on my shoulder because it hurts too much, even my bra strap is painful- but lets face it, I can't go out in public without a bra.

So, the reason I say I'm broken again is because- if we go with massage, a friend and I used to get together and hang out, sometimes we'd give each other back massages, she has repeatedly broken me during this. I never understood why I would be in pain the next day till I got the diagnosis of MS.

If we go with the men in my life.......

Warning.....you will probably feel like this is TMI. So you might just want to stop with the massage explanation.

OK, here goes......
There is a man I have been friends with for many, many years. We have flirted throughout the years, but I have always made it very clear that I was married and not interested in anything other than friendship from him. I even stopped all contact other than phone calls so he wouldn't overstep the boundaries that were firmly in place.

Well, after my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex left me, about 10 months after, I was feeling lonely and frustrated so when he became insistent, I said "sure, why not?". I mean I've always been very good at compartmentalizing different aspects of my relationships with family and friends, so I decided there was no harm in having a little fun right?

He came over one night, and we decided just to "fool around" no sex. We wanted to make sure that our friendship would be ok before we did anymore. Thank goodness for that! He is an older gentleman and from all his talk, quite the ladies man I was expecting something that wasn't there. I was blown away, how could he not know how to kiss???? Seriously? And on top of that, he definitely got carried away, I think he tried to bite my nipple off, twice!! So when all was said and done I had a bruise on my nipple and wearing a bra was painful for about a week. In fact my nipples still ache just thinking about it.

The good news? Our friendship is better than ever. Once I got up the nerve to tell him what he did to me we laughed for 20 minutes and were able to move on. So I have had 2 friends break me through massage, and 2 guys break me while trying to "get some".

Kids say the darnedest things

I used to love watching that show. The kids were so guileless and honest. It was always in that honesty that the humor showed through.

There are times I wish I could put my son on that show. Sometimes he sounds like a little old man, sometimes he blows me away using words and phrases I would never have thought someone his age would have heard let alone know how to use in the right context.

For my birthday I got a card addressed to MOMMAH!!! (a.k.a. Mommy). What nine year old uses that?

Or how about last Friday when I got dressed up to go pay my respects and support to a good friend whose father had passed away. I put on a nice outfit and make up (yes, for those of you who know me- I do know how to apply make up I just choose not to most of the time) I walked down stairs and my son says "Wow! Mom you look gorgeous.". So I replied with "Thank you sweetie, gorgeous may be a little strong, but that was so nice of you.". To that his reply was "well, not you, your shirt is gorgeous!". How sweet right? Guess I know now to just say thank you and move on...

That same night he spent the night at my parents house. He loves his sleep overs there as he gets to sleep downstairs with my mother. Well, he informed my mother that at home he likes to sleep "au naturale" my mother was so surprised she asked "what?". So my son explained that it means naked.

My son is way too smart too. I can't get away with a simple explanation of anything. He wants to debate EVERYTHING!!! He tried to get me to buy him a toy over the Internet because he really wanted it and it only cost £1.99. I explained first that it cost more than 1.99 as it was in pounds not dollars, and second that I didn't have the money to spend on silly little toys right now. So he proceeded to ask me how much I spent on the weed whacker I bought the day before. I explained it was not his business what I spend on household items. He came back with "yes it is, because I'm a part of this family." I then ticked him right off with my response: "Yes, you are a very important part of this family, but that does not give you the right to know about the expenses in the house. When you get a job and start contributing financially to this household you will have the right to certain financial details and not a moment before.". Ohh didn't that make him mad.

I'm sure this won't be the last post on his saying the darnedest things....

My first boyfriend

My first boyfriend was a boy from the Virgin Islands. He was a cute boy, a year ahead of me in school. We were good friends. Part of a close group of friends who were all part of our churches Luther League.

Anyway, I will never forget the night he asked me out.....

I had low self esteem even then, was
Self conscious about my weight then too. Anyway, I was at a friends house for a Halloween party. I wasn't feeling well and was actually waiting outside for my parents to come pick me up. I was sitting on the tire swing feeling miserable when out comes the cute older boy with the great accent. He asked me out. I didn't even know what to say. So I said yes. Then I really panicked!!! What now? Did he expect me to "put out?". I hadn't even kissed anyone before. Would I be good at it? When would I be expected to kiss him? Did he even want to kiss me?

I was so confused and scared as to what it meant to be dating someone. To be their girlfriend. So what did I do?

I stopped talking to him. I would turn around and walk the other way in he halls at school. I would avoid him at church and not take phone calls. Don't know what I was expecting but 2 weeks went by like this. Then I got quite the shock. My best friend came up to me and declared she was now dating my boyfriend.

She was so proud of herself. She was also very quick to let me know what she thought of my behavior towards my boyfriend. I think she was daring me to be angry with her. How did I feel though? Relieved. I could go back to being friends with a cute boy I was friends with.

We had some amazing times together after that. I even had other boyfriends in high school, an somehow I was able to tell myself that since I had already had a boyfriend there was no reason to be nervous. Those relationships went much more normally.

But you know what? I don't remember those boys as well as I do the cute boy from the Virgin Islands. He was my first boyfriend, and we didn't talk the entire 2 weeks we went out and I'll never forget him. Or all the for sale signs on our front yard throughout high school. But that is a story for another day....

Only me....

So, as we all know I am "at that age" according to my doctor. I recently got a second senior citizen discount at Dunkin Donuts. We all also know that I am NOT known for my grace.

This all leads up to my hurting/ possibly spraining my ankle without my knowledge. How does this happen? Am I making mistakes in my sleep? I never thought of myself as a violent sleeper, but maybe I am. I don't know, I asleep and I sleep alone (mostly) do there is no one to tell me about potential violent tendencies in my sleeping state.

Anyway, I can barely walk, I can't touch the inside of my left ankle because it is too painful and have realized that there is some edema in this area. (not my whole ankle, just the medial side-weird)

I don't know of a whole lot of people who can injure themselves without any actual trauma to the area. But there it is. I will keep an eye on it, when I get home I'll ice it and see what happens. If it doesn't get better I see my dr next week anyway.

Another item for the "Bucket list"? I think so, I think so. I have to say: in the words of my wonderful grandmother..... "I am SO lucky!"

This picture shows the indentation from my sock- its only in the injured area and not around my whole ankle. Again, very weird. Guess I'm a very talented woman.