I love ice cream

Who doesn't love ice cream?  I mean are you with me?  Well, I've been really struggling for the last week or so.....too many sad and hard things going on. So, how do I deal?  I wait for staff to take my son out to eat and sneak out to Dairy Queen. Duh....

I ordered a quart...do I need a quart?  No, but after the last several days...I want one darn it. Doesn't mean I will eat the whole thing tonight....doesn't mean I won't either!  The girl behind the window was getting a cover when the woman at the next window started freaking out!  "OMG! Is that my shake?  That's huge!  I can't possibly drink all that!  That's huge for a medium shake!"  I pointed out that it was a quart of ice cream that she was getting for me. The look of relief was so profound on her face. We both started laughing like we had never had a funnier experience. Ahh how I needed that laugh. 

I went on to explain how a couple of years ago I ordered a quart and the put it in a bag with a spoon.....so I ate the whole thing. It was their fault!  They shouldn't  have given me a spoon. The spoon tells me it is a single serving, so I went with it. The woman laughed and said she completely understood my thought process. By this time her shake had arrived and she was visibly relieved to see the size. 

So, the question tonight is....is this a single serving kind of night?  I just don't know.... 

It's none of your business!

Why the title?  Well, my ex is sticking his nose where it doesn't belong yet again....and getting it wrong yet again.

According to my son he's been asking about me. "Is mommy seeing anyone?  Does mommy have any new friends? Etc etc..."  This is not what my ex says happened......whatever...it is what it is.  Anyway, I HAVE been seeing someone of late. A very dear man who I care about a lot. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be and we ended it recently. Sigh....

I have a friend, she rides a motorcycle. She is in love and engaged to be married.  She just moved in with her fiancé 2 blocks from my house. (I see cookouts, and fun times in our futures!). She asked if she could store her motorcycle in my garage. Of course!  What are friends for?  They dropped it off  today....

I arrived home for work tonight, the ex stated the son had a good day- here's the funny part- he tells me that my son told him I had a boyfriend named "M". Then he tells me that "M" was here dropping off the motorcycle. He was very surprised to realize that I was dating "M" as it is someone we both know. Then He asked if it had been 6 months since we started dating since he was coming over to the house. 

I laughed....that he would assume there is only one "M" in my life. I don't know how my friend will feel finding out this way that I'm dating her fiancé, or how he will feel finding out we are dating...."M", you're a fantastic man...but I don't poach from anyone, especially from such a good friend, I hope you understand. Love you both!

And to my "M"...I hope you are happy, I will always care and miss you....but I don't think we got the timing right. 

Sometimes I get jealous

As my title states- sometimes I get jealous. Of the aunt who took her two dogs through a drive through car wash and the big dog in the back freaked out so much he defecated all over the back seat only to climb in front and do the same to the small lapdog, and all the groceries she had just bought. I laughed so hard I think I pulled something.

Or how about the friend who is having/had leakage problems a d went for physical therapy for it where they stuck electrodes to her wahoo and shocked her to get the muscles to contract....

I mean really, why couldn't those things happen to me? I would have sooo much to write about here to keep you all entertained. (Myself included)

Instead all I have to share is that my dr told me I am an oxymoron times two. Yes, not only do I have runners knee, now I have tennis elbow too. Do you have any idea how good a shape I'd be in if I did both or even either of those things? But no...I almost gave myself a heart attack or stroke trying to run a quarter of a lap at the community track to keep up with my son (and let's just be clear how far I really ran.....it's 12 laps per mile). Yeah, I'm a real athlete.

I did have another bizarre thing happen today...nothing huge or jaw dropping but while at my office talking to the office manager a former coworker came up behind me, grabbed a roll of fat and hung on while talking to the office manager. What do you do with that? How does a person respond to such a thing? Well, I didn't do anything, I had no idea how to address it. When he was done talking to the manager he pulled on my hair (gently) and walked out the door.

Somewhat weird....somewhat funny......I'd still rather have the other stories.....just sayin...

My pants don't like me!

Well, did I ever tell you the story about when I started losing weight a few years ago? I was up on the roof wearing a t shirt and jeans. Why was I on the roof you ask? I was laying on the roof cleaning out the gutters. I started on one end and shimmied my way across the roof cleaning as I went. When I was done I realized I was laying on the roof with my pants half way down to my knees. Yikes! Not a good look, sorry neighbors!

Yesterday I was working. After the trash was picked up I went outside to bring in the trash and recycling barrels. Apparently, my pants are starting to be a little loose again. However, this time my underwear was too! Time to get new undies I would say. By the time I made it up the driveway, my pants and underwear were.....you guessed it! Almost halfway to my knees again. This time right across the street from a catholic school too. Thank goodness the trash barrel was behind me, hope no one was looking out those windows though. If they were they probably will have nightmares for months.

For those of you who actually read this....I'm pretty sure you know that I am not too embarrassed to share all the terribly embarrassing stories about my life. I was a little jealous of a friend who had some therapy done for her pelvic floor, they attached little electrodes down in the wa-hoo area and were sending very mild pulses to stimulate muscle contractions to improve tone. Well, as you can imagine I was very jealous that I didn't have that for a story to share with you. However, I have a more embarrassing story to tell:

Have you ever had a dream where you had to go to the bathroom? And the toilet was so extremely comfortable? Do you see where I'm going with this?

Yes, I wet the bed....I'm 39 and I wet the bed. Not a lot....just a little bit, but it was enough that I felt I needed to change the sheets. I didn't know what to think when I realized what I had done. I mean after jumping up and making a beeline for the REAL toilet. How embarrassing, that's something you decide to take to the grave with you, never telling a soul.....

So naturally I blogged about it!

Angles are everything

I took my son to see Disney on Ice last night. I took a bunch of pictures of him there and took a final picture when we arrived home to commemorate the night.

He was wearing the fairy flower hat and holding his sword. He was a fairy warrior! He then wanted to take my picture wearing the hat and holding the sword....

I decided that I would kind of crouch down---hoping that the angle would hide my 5 chins (ok, I only have 3 but you know what I mean). It may have slightly minimized my chins but he got my entire body.

I look like we had been in a battle and he had cut off my leg. In reality, when I see this picture I have to laugh because I see a bonbon on a stick...

I guess I really need to get serious about my weight loss. This is NOT the first time I have looked like a bonbon, and unfortunately I will probably look like one again....

The weirdest thing about this? Whenever I say "bonbon on a stick" (which is a lot today because it makes me laugh) I say it in a Mexican accent -yes, even in my head right now- because for some reason it reminds me of Jeff Dunham's Jose the jalapeño on a stick. Weird right???

Call me Mrs Robinson

Why do I say that? No, I'm NOT having an affair with a college graduate or anyone else....I am however on a dating Internet site and I'm a little scared!

The last time I tried this (this past fall) I met a couple of nice guys. I liked them both (even the one who compared me to his old Subaru. Lol) it just didn't work out. I closed my account because I had second and third thoughts about meeting people online. I also didn't feel right because I wasn't divorced. I know my ex was in another relationship at that point and we had been separated 2&1/2 years, and I wasn't hoping to get back together with him- but for me it didn't really sit right putting myself out there when I wasn't completely free and clear to be with someone else.

My divorce was final on January 4, 2013. So I decided to try again....I put up a profile on Plenty of Fish. Let me say, so far it is not going well....

I had one guy tell me he was compelled to talk to me and get to know me. We started IM'ing and he immediately started calling me "sweetie" and "baby" (made my ass twitch...excuse the language, but it did) in less than 24 hours he told me he was working in Nigeria and asked me to send him $200. He has been blocked.

I then had a very nice (seems like) message me, things seemed to be going well but he stopped talking to me. Sigh...

The next guy wanted to IM. I gave him my yahoo name. We started chatting, it was going so well......until.....it became a job interview. How is it a middle aged man thinks it is a good idea during the FIRST talk to start asking "what's your socioeconomic background?" "Are you intelligent?" Then proceed to tell me how intelligent he is- taking college courses in high school and graduating top of his class of 8 kids. His next question was "do you have good verbal skills?" I'll be honest, I didn't even know how to respond so I said "well, I can speak..." When I didn't get a response right away I followed that up with "goodly too." I thought it was funny... He came back with how fantastic his verbal and written skills are and how he needs to have a partner who can have intelligent conversations on a variety of subjects. (This from the man whose profile says he finished "some college" and works in a grocery distribution center). He was not amused or impressed with my humor. I don't know if he has a sense of humor. {and again, my ass was twitching...}. And so we are moving on.....

The next (and I'm sure wont be the last -if I stay on the site-) guy to show any interest was 18. Yes, you read that right.....eighteen years old!!! Wow! I have no idea why an 18 yr old would be interested in a fat older woman, maybe he was joking? Anyway, he kept sending all these messages and I tried to be nice but let him know I wasn't interested. I mean, I'm more than twice his age! He wouldn't take no for an answer. A friend was encouraging me to go for it. I told him he made me feel like Mrs Robinson. He said "that's nice, who's she? Hope it makes you smile." Wow, that made me feel really old, and made him look really young. [it also made my ass twitch!] He couldn't believe I wouldn't want him over some saggy old guy.

I really don't know if I should laugh or cry... I will stick this out for a while longer if for no other reason than to have more fodder for this blog. I will keep you updated if I find any more winners! Happy fishing everyone.

And here's to you Mrs Robinson....

In case of fire, hot odor or smoke...

What is a hot odor? I really want to know... I can't think of an example. When I asked the receptionist at the IV therapy office (where this picture was taken) she seemed very confused and offered up the smell of burnt popcorn as a possible example. I explained that I didn't think odors had a temperature. She seemed confused, shrugged and just walked away. Which still leads me to wonder....can anyone tell me what a hot odor is? It's printed on a sign....it must be real right?