Angles are everything

I took my son to see Disney on Ice last night. I took a bunch of pictures of him there and took a final picture when we arrived home to commemorate the night.

He was wearing the fairy flower hat and holding his sword. He was a fairy warrior! He then wanted to take my picture wearing the hat and holding the sword....

I decided that I would kind of crouch down---hoping that the angle would hide my 5 chins (ok, I only have 3 but you know what I mean). It may have slightly minimized my chins but he got my entire body.

I look like we had been in a battle and he had cut off my leg. In reality, when I see this picture I have to laugh because I see a bonbon on a stick...

I guess I really need to get serious about my weight loss. This is NOT the first time I have looked like a bonbon, and unfortunately I will probably look like one again....

The weirdest thing about this? Whenever I say "bonbon on a stick" (which is a lot today because it makes me laugh) I say it in a Mexican accent -yes, even in my head right now- because for some reason it reminds me of Jeff Dunham's Jose the jalapeño on a stick. Weird right???

Call me Mrs Robinson

Why do I say that? No, I'm NOT having an affair with a college graduate or anyone else....I am however on a dating Internet site and I'm a little scared!

The last time I tried this (this past fall) I met a couple of nice guys. I liked them both (even the one who compared me to his old Subaru. Lol) it just didn't work out. I closed my account because I had second and third thoughts about meeting people online. I also didn't feel right because I wasn't divorced. I know my ex was in another relationship at that point and we had been separated 2&1/2 years, and I wasn't hoping to get back together with him- but for me it didn't really sit right putting myself out there when I wasn't completely free and clear to be with someone else.

My divorce was final on January 4, 2013. So I decided to try again....I put up a profile on Plenty of Fish. Let me say, so far it is not going well....

I had one guy tell me he was compelled to talk to me and get to know me. We started IM'ing and he immediately started calling me "sweetie" and "baby" (made my ass twitch...excuse the language, but it did) in less than 24 hours he told me he was working in Nigeria and asked me to send him $200. He has been blocked.

I then had a very nice (seems like) message me, things seemed to be going well but he stopped talking to me. Sigh...

The next guy wanted to IM. I gave him my yahoo name. We started chatting, it was going so well......until.....it became a job interview. How is it a middle aged man thinks it is a good idea during the FIRST talk to start asking "what's your socioeconomic background?" "Are you intelligent?" Then proceed to tell me how intelligent he is- taking college courses in high school and graduating top of his class of 8 kids. His next question was "do you have good verbal skills?" I'll be honest, I didn't even know how to respond so I said "well, I can speak..." When I didn't get a response right away I followed that up with "goodly too." I thought it was funny... He came back with how fantastic his verbal and written skills are and how he needs to have a partner who can have intelligent conversations on a variety of subjects. (This from the man whose profile says he finished "some college" and works in a grocery distribution center). He was not amused or impressed with my humor. I don't know if he has a sense of humor. {and again, my ass was twitching...}. And so we are moving on.....

The next (and I'm sure wont be the last -if I stay on the site-) guy to show any interest was 18. Yes, you read that right.....eighteen years old!!! Wow! I have no idea why an 18 yr old would be interested in a fat older woman, maybe he was joking? Anyway, he kept sending all these messages and I tried to be nice but let him know I wasn't interested. I mean, I'm more than twice his age! He wouldn't take no for an answer. A friend was encouraging me to go for it. I told him he made me feel like Mrs Robinson. He said "that's nice, who's she? Hope it makes you smile." Wow, that made me feel really old, and made him look really young. [it also made my ass twitch!] He couldn't believe I wouldn't want him over some saggy old guy.

I really don't know if I should laugh or cry... I will stick this out for a while longer if for no other reason than to have more fodder for this blog. I will keep you updated if I find any more winners! Happy fishing everyone.

And here's to you Mrs Robinson....

In case of fire, hot odor or smoke...

What is a hot odor? I really want to know... I can't think of an example. When I asked the receptionist at the IV therapy office (where this picture was taken) she seemed very confused and offered up the smell of burnt popcorn as a possible example. I explained that I didn't think odors had a temperature. She seemed confused, shrugged and just walked away. Which still leads me to wonder....can anyone tell me what a hot odor is? It's printed on a sign....it must be real right?

Kids say the darnedest things

***********WARNING**********

Even I have a hard time with this one!!!








My son came upstairs this morning and one thing led to another.....and he randomly tells me that his dad pees in front of him.

WTH? How do I respond to such a thing? So I said the only thing I could think of....."do you watch to see how to pee in the toilet without peeing ON the toilet, and floor, and walls?" "Yes" he responds.

Then he tells me that "You know what mommy? Dad has a very hairy penis." Again: HOW DO I RESPOND TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT??? It's been a very long time since I've wanted to think about that "thing". I mean really, poke my brain with a hot poker please.

He then kept talking about it. Oh goodness! I don't even remember how we ended the topic except that I am now traumatized and he was giggling a lot. It will be a very Long time before I can look him in the eye again.......(the dad, not my son)

Sometimes you just wish you had a video camera

My son and I went to visit my parents today. When he took his jacket off I noticed something on the back of his shirt. I came closer and realized it was a tangled piece of thread, most likely from the jacket. I took it off his shirt, and spontaneously decided to joke with him. I told him I just removed a spider from his shirt. He didn't buy it, and told me so. I went to show him the thread when it accidentally fell on his arm. He screamed and backed away from me as fast as his legs could carry him.

My parents helped me to calm him down, I apologized but he wouldn't come near me for about 5 minutes. He was really mad at me. I know I should feel bad, but I was laughing too hard. My mom scolded me for laughing.....(while fighting a smile of her own)

It was one of those moments I really wish I had my video camera on. I could have made a fortune on AFV! Trust me, it was hilarious

Golden Girls

I have loved watching the Golden Girls for years. Whenever I come across reruns I will almost always tune in and settle down to laugh...

My divorce was final yesterday. As I was flipping through the channels this morning, I found The Golden Girls, tuned in and started laughing. After the show my son and I drove to the store. I started contemplating my life.... My ex (it's so exciting to say ex and not "my-hopefully-soon-to-be-ex") drives me crazy. I have moments where I HATE him, but honestly, I don't really. We get along for our sons sake pretty well mostly. He told me (right after he left me for a 24 year old-but I'm not bitter- so I wasn't in the most receptive mood) that I was his best friend. While I don't agree with that, and I'm pretty sure he has changed his mind by now. The hope is that over time we can become more friendly than we have been. He will always piss me off I'm sure, but driving today I got a VERY clear picture in my head of 20 years from now.

I am Dorothy, he is Stan, the putz that she can't stand, but also has a soft spot for. He will forever be in my life because of my son, but also because he is a little clueless about some things in life....... So, who will I be living with?? I really want to know! Who will be my Blanche, Sofia, and Rose?

Come on girls, we need to start planning, and whoever is Rose?....NO St. Olaf stories! lol

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

I'm an old Subaru?

I met a man this last autumn, we started emailing, then dating... he was a good guy, a little strange, but then, so am I. After a couple weeks he asked to slow things down. He stated he always goes too fast and didn't want to repeat past mistakes. Ok, we'll be friends first... Then he started telling me about these other women he was spending more time with than me. One in particular, it finally clicked....he was dating HER and I was friend zoned. (Don't mistake that as being a long time time before I figured it out.. It was only a couple of days and he was telling me the opposite).

I readjusted and realized that I was more than fine only being friends, we were obviously NOT a love match. We continued to talk, even hung out again... He told me how great he was to the women in his life. I called him on his crap.. Tat is not to say he had treated me bad or anything, and I'm sure none of it was conscious. Well, that was my bad, I shouldn't have said anything! He decided he had made a mistake and I was who he really wanted. Yikes! I told him he was just scared of this new relationship and this is what he told me:

She is like a shiny new sports car, being a different ethnicity etc, made her a novelty, something you think you want because it is different and beautiful. I am like his old Subaru. I'm not very pretty on the outside but I have all the necessities in life that make a person content and maybe even happy.

What??? I'm an old Subaru that's not so pretty???? I guess this is one more item to add to the "other bucket list" sigh....

Vroom....vroom.....cough.....splutter.....vroom.....vroom