Seriously? What is it about men and hickeys? Or is it just my man?
When I first started seeing him I remember one of our first "make out session" (how high school do I feel right now?) he asked me how I feel about hickeys. Before I could even form a thought -that's how good he is- he dove right in and next thing I knew I had a hickey. OMGoodness!! I HATE hickeys. The only one I ever really enjoyed was when I was visiting a gay friend in college with my best friend M. We were all joking around and he was kissing her neck and gave her a hickey by accident. It was funny, really funny. She didn't believe us when we told her she had it until she looked in the mirror and almost killed him. (you really had to be there to fully understand the hot, but trust me, it was hysterical)
Anyway, I'm not a fan. So, today I went over to see my guy (we have opposite schedules and both have kids so it's difficult to get together-if you know what I mean;~}) so we started kissing and next thing I realize I'm feeling way too much suction so I pulled away. Needless to say, I THOUGHT I pulled away in time- I did not. When I left I looked into my mirror in the car to see a hickey on my neck. I'm gonna hurt him, I really think I will. Ok, well maybe not, but if he does it again........
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
What? Am I a teen again?
I have noticed over the last six months or so my skin has forgotten I'm a 39 year old adult. It has decided that I am actually a 15 year old teenager. I have had more pimples and breakouts now then I EVER did as a kid.
I have no idea why I woke up one morning to the oiliest skin know to man, woman and child. My clients (adults with developmental disabilities) love to point out every new outbreak that appears on my skin. I have even been told by one lady that I should use Proactive. It worked for her brother. I guess she was trying to be nice.
I woke up today with Mount Vesuvius between my eyes. Seriously, there is no hiding this bad boy. I look like I want to visit India and just placed the red dot way too low.
If I have the oily skin of a teenager so why then am I getting senior discounts at Dunkin Donuts? Or being told that I look like the mother of a client who is only 7 years younger and has a full head of WHITE hair? Will the universe make up its mind? How old do you think I am?
I have no idea why I woke up one morning to the oiliest skin know to man, woman and child. My clients (adults with developmental disabilities) love to point out every new outbreak that appears on my skin. I have even been told by one lady that I should use Proactive. It worked for her brother. I guess she was trying to be nice.
I woke up today with Mount Vesuvius between my eyes. Seriously, there is no hiding this bad boy. I look like I want to visit India and just placed the red dot way too low.
If I have the oily skin of a teenager so why then am I getting senior discounts at Dunkin Donuts? Or being told that I look like the mother of a client who is only 7 years younger and has a full head of WHITE hair? Will the universe make up its mind? How old do you think I am?
Terror on two wheels
Terror was struck in the hearts of millions...well, hundreds....ok fine! So it was only one, and that one is me.
I decided to get back up on that bike and ride again this morning. Well, I started up a little less wobbly this time, and off I went feeling much more confident this time around.
The first terror I came across was having to pass TWO women who were running side by side!! Yikes! How was supposed to do this? What is the etiquette? I mean the biggest space was between them as they had split the path into thirds. I was debating calling out "excuse me! Fat lady with little to no control over her bike coming through! Move out of the way please!" buy just as I took in a lungful of air they stopped running and have moved to a walk, and moved over to the side on their own. (ok, so one lady had looked back and probably guessed how inexperienced I am and didn't want ALL of this landing on her)
So on I went, then I noticed that as I was pedaling along my very maximus gluteus maximus was bouncing up and down so much I felt like I was on a trampoline. So I started coasting to get the jiggle under control, and realized I will not be able to pedal when passing anyone....EVER! Pretty sure jiggling and bouncing are not part of the biking experience, this was further enforced by seeing all of the other cyclists go by smoothly- not a bounce or jiggle in sight. Will I ever be able to ride like that?
And on I went, I rode 3 & 1/2 miles today (almost twice as far as last week- still pretty pathetic but I'm getting there.) Anyway, I had to pass several people, some with dogs - still strikes fear in my soul, I keep waiting for these dogs to smell my fear and give chase. Then came the 2 90 degree turns (4 if you count the round trip -
And I certainly do!) thank goodness no one was around to see those. I slowed down so much I almost fell from lack of speed let alone the turns themselves. (I'm pretty sure I squealed like a little girl for at least 2 of them but I'm not positive- it was all a blur for me)
So, through all the scariness I managed to stay upright for the entire ride, and didn't get whipped in the face with any vines. So for all the jiggling it was still a better ride than last week. Let's hope it continues to get better and better.....
I decided to get back up on that bike and ride again this morning. Well, I started up a little less wobbly this time, and off I went feeling much more confident this time around.
The first terror I came across was having to pass TWO women who were running side by side!! Yikes! How was supposed to do this? What is the etiquette? I mean the biggest space was between them as they had split the path into thirds. I was debating calling out "excuse me! Fat lady with little to no control over her bike coming through! Move out of the way please!" buy just as I took in a lungful of air they stopped running and have moved to a walk, and moved over to the side on their own. (ok, so one lady had looked back and probably guessed how inexperienced I am and didn't want ALL of this landing on her)
So on I went, then I noticed that as I was pedaling along my very maximus gluteus maximus was bouncing up and down so much I felt like I was on a trampoline. So I started coasting to get the jiggle under control, and realized I will not be able to pedal when passing anyone....EVER! Pretty sure jiggling and bouncing are not part of the biking experience, this was further enforced by seeing all of the other cyclists go by smoothly- not a bounce or jiggle in sight. Will I ever be able to ride like that?
And on I went, I rode 3 & 1/2 miles today (almost twice as far as last week- still pretty pathetic but I'm getting there.) Anyway, I had to pass several people, some with dogs - still strikes fear in my soul, I keep waiting for these dogs to smell my fear and give chase. Then came the 2 90 degree turns (4 if you count the round trip -
And I certainly do!) thank goodness no one was around to see those. I slowed down so much I almost fell from lack of speed let alone the turns themselves. (I'm pretty sure I squealed like a little girl for at least 2 of them but I'm not positive- it was all a blur for me)
So, through all the scariness I managed to stay upright for the entire ride, and didn't get whipped in the face with any vines. So for all the jiggling it was still a better ride than last week. Let's hope it continues to get better and better.....
Thursday, July 5, 2012
My style and grace revisited
So, it is now 6 hours after my infamous bike ride and I had an itch on my cheek so I scratched it. So why is my left cheek so sore?
I looked in the mirror to find 2 small scratches on my cheek. Where did THEY come from you ask? They came from the vines on the side of the bike path. That is how far to the left I swerved to avoid the woman who was running on the right hand side of the path. Yes people, that's how bad I was this morning. Even my face has war wounds.
Don't you wish you had as much style and grace as I have?
I looked in the mirror to find 2 small scratches on my cheek. Where did THEY come from you ask? They came from the vines on the side of the bike path. That is how far to the left I swerved to avoid the woman who was running on the right hand side of the path. Yes people, that's how bad I was this morning. Even my face has war wounds.
Don't you wish you had as much style and grace as I have?
Such style, such grace!
Well here we are my friends. Ok, so it's just me sitting here on my couch with grass stains on my pants and an ice pack on my knee....you know what I mean.
Where do I begin? At the beginning. I guess.... Well, it all started on a lovely morning in May. I was a month overdue and was finally ready to make my appearance in to the world..... What? Too far back you say? Well you're probably right. So I'll just say this: I'm fat, I've always been fat, I hate being fat. The problem is I also hate any form of exercise, and ice cream is a passion of mine. What can I say, it's true. Now that's not to say that I don't exercise sometimes (certainly not lately) and I do like my veggies- and have been eating a lot more of them lately. Yeah me! But with being an oxymoron, work, my son, my depression.....well you see where I'm going with this right? Lots of excuses to NOT exercise.
I recently got my bike a tune up and a new tire. (I've had the bike for 10 years now and never ridden it- pathetic I know) well, I got it ready to ride just when school got out for my son...he doesn't ride a bike. So, another excuse not to exercise fell into my lap.
My son started summer school last week. Today was the first day I had a couple of hours to ride that bike. So, having not ridden a bike in over 20 years I decided that my neighborhood was not the place to start. So I loaded the bike on the back of my car and drove the 1/4 mile to a quiet bike path. (said shame-faced). I got my fat reared on that bike -after I took it off my car of course- and wobbled off down the path.
I was very grateful that there was no one to see my pitiful start and I soon found my rhythm. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I came around the bend and saw a woman running in the same direction. My first though- oh crap, can I pass her without falling over or running her over? Yes, my second thought (and much more troubling thought) - she going the same way, she's going to be watching my oversized fanny till I get around the next bend! Well, let me tell you, I rode that bike fast, and I rode it hard. She couldn't have been able to see more than a blur go by. Ok, so that's an exaggeration, but I like to think of it as poetic license.
I had to pass another woman, this time with a dog which heightened the anxiety. By this time I was also exhausted. (have I mentioned I don't exercise?- and it's only been about 3/4 of a mile- how humiliating). I was determined to press on and get some real exercise in though. Yeah me! Let's stop so I can give myself a pat on the back. Ok, I'm done, so let's get to the good stuff.
I rode a mile and decided I wanted to stop because I wanted some pictures. Have I mentioned it's been over 20 years since I've been on a bike? This includes stopping. Apparently stopping is harder than starting. A lot harder, at least for me that is.
Thank goodness no one was around at that minute, or 10 cause I went down like a ton of bricks. Twisted my ankle, , scuffed up my knee (well, my pants over my knee) and felt like the worlds epitome of style and grace. If there were judges there I would have been awarded a perfect 10 for the style and grace of that fall. I know I would have!
So I picked myself up and dusted myself off, after I stopped laughing at myself that is.... And decided 2 miles was a good start to this bike riding thing. Luckily when I got back to the car park I used the poles at the entrance to help me stop - I say luckily, not because I didn't want to hurt myself (although, I think that goes without saying) but because there was another woman AND 2 cyclists there. Oh the humiliation that would have caused.
Well, there's always tomorrow....or maybe next week to try again. Happy trails everyone.
Where do I begin? At the beginning. I guess.... Well, it all started on a lovely morning in May. I was a month overdue and was finally ready to make my appearance in to the world..... What? Too far back you say? Well you're probably right. So I'll just say this: I'm fat, I've always been fat, I hate being fat. The problem is I also hate any form of exercise, and ice cream is a passion of mine. What can I say, it's true. Now that's not to say that I don't exercise sometimes (certainly not lately) and I do like my veggies- and have been eating a lot more of them lately. Yeah me! But with being an oxymoron, work, my son, my depression.....well you see where I'm going with this right? Lots of excuses to NOT exercise.
I recently got my bike a tune up and a new tire. (I've had the bike for 10 years now and never ridden it- pathetic I know) well, I got it ready to ride just when school got out for my son...he doesn't ride a bike. So, another excuse not to exercise fell into my lap.
My son started summer school last week. Today was the first day I had a couple of hours to ride that bike. So, having not ridden a bike in over 20 years I decided that my neighborhood was not the place to start. So I loaded the bike on the back of my car and drove the 1/4 mile to a quiet bike path. (said shame-faced). I got my fat reared on that bike -after I took it off my car of course- and wobbled off down the path.
I was very grateful that there was no one to see my pitiful start and I soon found my rhythm. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I came around the bend and saw a woman running in the same direction. My first though- oh crap, can I pass her without falling over or running her over? Yes, my second thought (and much more troubling thought) - she going the same way, she's going to be watching my oversized fanny till I get around the next bend! Well, let me tell you, I rode that bike fast, and I rode it hard. She couldn't have been able to see more than a blur go by. Ok, so that's an exaggeration, but I like to think of it as poetic license.
I had to pass another woman, this time with a dog which heightened the anxiety. By this time I was also exhausted. (have I mentioned I don't exercise?- and it's only been about 3/4 of a mile- how humiliating). I was determined to press on and get some real exercise in though. Yeah me! Let's stop so I can give myself a pat on the back. Ok, I'm done, so let's get to the good stuff.
I rode a mile and decided I wanted to stop because I wanted some pictures. Have I mentioned it's been over 20 years since I've been on a bike? This includes stopping. Apparently stopping is harder than starting. A lot harder, at least for me that is.
Thank goodness no one was around at that minute, or 10 cause I went down like a ton of bricks. Twisted my ankle, , scuffed up my knee (well, my pants over my knee) and felt like the worlds epitome of style and grace. If there were judges there I would have been awarded a perfect 10 for the style and grace of that fall. I know I would have!
So I picked myself up and dusted myself off, after I stopped laughing at myself that is.... And decided 2 miles was a good start to this bike riding thing. Luckily when I got back to the car park I used the poles at the entrance to help me stop - I say luckily, not because I didn't want to hurt myself (although, I think that goes without saying) but because there was another woman AND 2 cyclists there. Oh the humiliation that would have caused.
Well, there's always tomorrow....or maybe next week to try again. Happy trails everyone.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Let me say it again: I AM NOT THAT OLD
Seriously people, I'm getting a complex!
While working with a 32 yr old client today, we walked into Cumberland Farms so my client could buy a coffee. My client opened the door and gestured for a man of approximately my age to enter first. So what did the man say you ask? He said "oh no thank you, I'll let you and your mom go first."
Seriously??? My client is 32 years old. I am 39 years old. I am only 7 years older! And, not being vain but I DO NOT look older than my client!!!! On a bad day I'm told I look about the same age. (although come to think of it, if this happened, and I get senior discounts, AND I get told I'm "at that age" by my doctors- maybe everyone is just lying to me to make me feel better.
I AM NOT THAT OLD PEOPLE!
While working with a 32 yr old client today, we walked into Cumberland Farms so my client could buy a coffee. My client opened the door and gestured for a man of approximately my age to enter first. So what did the man say you ask? He said "oh no thank you, I'll let you and your mom go first."
Seriously??? My client is 32 years old. I am 39 years old. I am only 7 years older! And, not being vain but I DO NOT look older than my client!!!! On a bad day I'm told I look about the same age. (although come to think of it, if this happened, and I get senior discounts, AND I get told I'm "at that age" by my doctors- maybe everyone is just lying to me to make me feel better.
I AM NOT THAT OLD PEOPLE!
Help! I'm peeling
So, remember that sunburn I got almost 2 weeks ago? Yeah, that's the one- I had a raccoon face for a couple of days and couldn't wear a bra for longer. Well, last Thursday, (a week after the burn incident) I finally started to peel--right before I started to blister, I know right? What the heck!
Anyway, I was so happy to be peeling. It's my favorite part of getting a burn. I know that burning is really NOT good for your health and all that, but when I was young, my best friend and I would lay out to get a burn in the hopes that we would peel. Then we would get together and peel each others backs.
It surprises me how many people are completely grossed out by this practice. Cause I've got to tell you, I LOVE to peel skin. It's so satisfying, especially when I get a large "sheet" to come off at once, and it feels great having it done too. A little like a light back scratch, a little like a tickle too.
I texted my friend: "Where are you, I'm peeling!!!". This caused my friend a great deal of confusion as she read "where are you, I'm peeing!!!". See? Very different statements. When we cleared up the confusion it made much more sense to her. Alas, she was not able to help. So, while at my parents home I enlisted my mom to peel me. My father was incredibly disgusted. For the last few days I've been instructing my son in the art of skin peeling. He'll get the hang of it in no time. Soon to be peeling large swatches of skin in a single yank.
Is this wrong? Teaching my son to do this? Will Clarice soon be after my son? Ok, probably not. I mean he's not demanding I "puts on the lotion" so I think we're ok, at least for now.
Anyway, I was so happy to be peeling. It's my favorite part of getting a burn. I know that burning is really NOT good for your health and all that, but when I was young, my best friend and I would lay out to get a burn in the hopes that we would peel. Then we would get together and peel each others backs.
It surprises me how many people are completely grossed out by this practice. Cause I've got to tell you, I LOVE to peel skin. It's so satisfying, especially when I get a large "sheet" to come off at once, and it feels great having it done too. A little like a light back scratch, a little like a tickle too.
I texted my friend: "Where are you, I'm peeling!!!". This caused my friend a great deal of confusion as she read "where are you, I'm peeing!!!". See? Very different statements. When we cleared up the confusion it made much more sense to her. Alas, she was not able to help. So, while at my parents home I enlisted my mom to peel me. My father was incredibly disgusted. For the last few days I've been instructing my son in the art of skin peeling. He'll get the hang of it in no time. Soon to be peeling large swatches of skin in a single yank.
Is this wrong? Teaching my son to do this? Will Clarice soon be after my son? Ok, probably not. I mean he's not demanding I "puts on the lotion" so I think we're ok, at least for now.
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